It’s no secret I am a fan of the moon. I connect with the moon lately. I admire the way she shows her different faces and fazes. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a big fan of the sun too. My life without sun would be way too dark and cold. Did I just state the obvious? But philosophically and spiritually too. As I am photographing the moon last night, the last “super moon” of 2015, and thinking about my life, it occurred to me that in all of her beauty, the moon is only reflecting the light of the sun. Without the sun, the moon would constantly show her darkness. As someone who thinks in analogies and probably ruminates too much, I had two distinct thoughts about this. The moon needs the sun to show her beauty. Does the sun need the moon? I had to research this. And is it fair that the moon can’t shine without the sun? Pretty co-dependent really.
In defense of the moon, only about 3% of the Sun’s light which hits the Moon is reflected. But that’s enough to light up our night sky. That sun is powerful. Both the sun and the moon pull on the earth but the sun, which is much stronger is also further away. The moon then, has the stronger effect on the earth and tides than the sun does. And without the moon, Katherine Hepburn would never have been sitting on the steps with her guitar singing “Moon River” in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. The world would be a much emptier place indeed.
The bottom line though still remains. We could never survive without the Sun but we wouldn’t miss the moon really if she disappeared other than her amazing beauty in the night sky. There are hundreds of sappy love songs referencing the moon. I couldn’t find out how many have been written about the Sun but she has also been the source of inspiration.
So what does all of this mean? If you are looking at this blog for ultimate answers and meaning, oh my. I promise nothing. But my thought is this. It is nice to have a sun in your life to help reflect a little light but don’t forget your own moon power. I mean, the sun hides from the nighttime. The moon cheers the night up with beauty and light. The moon may reflect the sun but doesn’t need the sun to revolve and to exert power in the world.
Well if you are (what you love)
And you do (what you love)
I will always be the sun and moon to you
And if you share (with your heart)
Yeah, you give (with your heart)
What you share with the world is what it keeps of you
Noah and the whale…Give a Little bit
So, my friends and acquaintances from the last decade probably don’t know this about me, which is kind of funny because it was a huge part of my identity for so long. Are you on the edge of your seat yet? It’s not like I was a CIA secret operative…although that would be cool. Nope, the well kept secret is that I am a guitarist, vocalist and songwriter, although I truthfully stopped playing after moving to Wisconsin. And now of course, I can’t play and my singing has been greatly compromised as well.Not that I was that talented to begin with. But it was always my outlet and my therapy. So now instead of songs, I write stories. Song were stories too I just added music.
There was a time when I started to play out on my own and a time when songs were pouring out of me like bourbon during happy hour. I was getting so much out and learning about myself through songs. Someone pointed out that a lot of my songs referenced walls. Tearing down walls, building up walls. Not like I was writing about a construction project at least not literally. But as time passes and I assess my life, and have small enlightenments every so often, I realize how symbolic they were and continue to be. LP
I heard an idea lately of making a soft front and a strong back . It’s based on Buddhist philosophy that suggests instead of building up a strong front to protect a weak spine, it makes more sense to strengthen what you stand for, develop a strong back, and then being ‘soft” or vulnerable allows us to see the world more compassionately and not live in fear of vulnerability.
My walls were my naive attempt to protect myself. I thought I was being so clever, protecting myself like that. Who knew that, in fact, I was dealing myself off from life. No I know better and if I were still writing songs, they would be about my soft front. Peace.
I have realized big things about myself since the stroke. Like, I’m impatient!! I want to play my guitar now. Ride my motorcycle now. Be at peace now! I can choose peace now but old habits are hard to break. So I’m presented with more and more opportunities to practice waiting. As if the universe wants me to be better. Sheesh.
Not very good at liking my self. Ouch. Seeing that in print doesn’t help. I know I’m good. Deep down solid good. I’m sure I’m not alone in my self doubts but it holds me back. It keeps me from receiving what I deserve.
But I know that it’s turning. My luck my attitude my love. I WILL.
I was afraid to confront my shadow self because within it lurk the demons that keep me down. I see them occasionally and I’m not pleased. I name them Self Doubt, Insecurity, Loneliness and the biggest, baddest of them is FEAR, which I know is false evidence appearing real. Which at its heart means I’m weak. I don’t like weakness. I don’t want to own weakness. Joke’s on me I guess, weakened by big stuff that life has thrown at me. I act like I’m strong and many days I feel strong but there is a feelings mg of doubt always hanging over my head. A very wise friend from a past life reminds me of what I already know, that which I’m looking for is not “out there”. It’s not a person place or thing. It’s me I’m searching for. So then of course Fear raises its ugly head. What if I never find me? How will you? What if I’m forever lost somewhere in space and time, sending out a distress beacon that gets lost in the starlight.? What if I continue this journey through lifetime after lifetime searching for me only to be distracted by the shiny things?
Well that’s a spirit breaker!
Heres to hoping my demons will shut up Long enough to let me look deeper in me. Past the shadow self all the way down to the spirit self.
Who ya gonna call? Ghost busters. Lol