So, I decided to try the world of online dating. I’m just gonna start off saying, “Wow”. The desperation and low esteems. It saddens me that we (especially women) are culturalized to believe we must be partnered to be successful or valid. This, in my opinion, leads to some incredibly courageous (translate “desperate”) attempts to find love. For some, it’s simply an attempt to find companionship, find some validation from total strangers. At any rate, online dating for me has gone from testing the waters to a great source of entertainment. I started making some mental notes and found myself laughing out loud at times. I want to share some of my observations because., well, I think they are humorous, and because, I am still saddened at the extreme measures we take to conform. So, for my venting and your reading amusement, I hope, I give you:
Online dating observations
It’s been a while since I have done the dating thing but I’m not stupid. I can read between the lines of a profile.
What it says What it really means
SAYS: interested in dating but nothing serious MEANS: just looking for one night stands, but couldn’t find that category.
SAYS: Seriously looking to get married MEANS: “I will suck you into the vortex of my neediness.”
SAYS: “You have a cute smile, I think you’re my soul mate” MEANS: “I’m so desperate at this point, I am looking for any connection.”
SAYS: Drink socially. MEANS: “My sponsor says drinking alone is not good for my sobriety”.
SAYS: “Some college” MEANS: “I’ve been to a few keg parties”
SAYS: “Business Owner “ MEANS: “I’m unemployed at present but I have yard sales every spring”
SAYS: Animal lover” MEANS: crazy cat lady
SAYS: “ Body type, “a few extra pounds”, MEANS: “friends tell me I look like a celebrity…Jaba the Hut”.
One word description of your personality….freaking field day of between-the-lines.
SAYS: “Adventurous” MEANS: “can’t keep a job, get bored easily”
SAYS: “homebody” MEANS: ”My ankle monitor limits my travel”.
SAYS: “Love to travel” MEANS: “I’m in the Witness Protection Plan. You don’t know me!”
SAYS: Ambitious” MEANS: “If after a week, I sense no connection…I’m outa here!”
Then the screen names:
Bitchplease You want clarification on that?!
“Marathon” you’re in for a long, tiring relationship
HowcanIburs? (start by writing in complete sentences with complete words).
Tigress, Onaroof?” you looking to date or terrify me?
“Monkeypaws”? I just can’t. Come on…
And if you go by Kattyfish, well, one of us is not too bright. It’s not me by the way.
If you are an online dater, or if by some very slim chance I mentioned your screen name or your profile info, please forgive me. Again, the thing that has been most enlightening about this experience is how we are so strongly influenced by the needs that society puts on us. Sad, really, so naturally I find humor since I am fairly irreverent.
I participated in a wonderful training recently. One of the activities was to answer a partner’s question. The question would be the same, over and over. The question was, “Who are you?” The first few answers were easy, my name, my profession, my hobbies etc., but as the time drug on and the question stayed the same, it was apparent that I haven’t asked myself that too much. We use things that generally others use to define and describe us. But really, who are you? After the activity was debriefed, I realized how very little we know about who we are and how quickly we fill it with what we think others believe. This whole online dating thing is an example. Describe yourself. Profession, body type, gender, religion, ethnicity, drug and alcohol history. That doesn’t tell me the important stuff, like, how do you feel looking at a really great sunset? What’s the best thing about you? Who are you? Who were you before you were you? And I am looking for the one who responds,”Who am I? I am enough.” but they generally don’y need the dating sites. I will have some fun with it for a bit and then remember that I am also enough.
So Katfish, who seem too good to be true, we know you ARE. I am an experienced fisherman. And shame on you if you prey on the doubts and insecurities of those just hoping there are treasures left to find. Shame on you and sad for you for your own insecure need for validation.