Ahhhh. All of my recent restlessness. Signs. Flashing billboards alerting me to the upcoming road trip. The point a to point b direct line. I have looked for signs, listened to signs….obeyed the signs for as long as I can remember. Alright, most signs. When I did’t listen to signs, they just got bigger, flashier. The important ones never go away. Red-tailed hawks fly in and out lest I forget to pay attention to signs. And lately I have determined that if there is laughter, it’s the biggest sign of all, and not to be ignored. The Universe does not like to be ignored.
I believe the Universe wants us to have joy. Unrestricted, pure, proof-of-all-things-good joy. It demands it. Just too many of us have been conditioned to believe it is not our Jubilee. We don’t get a seat at the big table. I know. I believed that for a lifetime (or two). I had done nothing exceptional to deserve unabashed joy. And still it came. Continues to come. Despite my outright denial most days. Despite the voice in my head that tells me that it is a trap. Whose freaking voice is that?! Joy and happiness are my birthright. It would be rude to walk away. Besides, the Universe knows where we live. It will hunt us down and find us. Happened to me.
I believe in “when” not “if”. It will find us. To resist is to deny, to ask for additional, sometimes unavoidable signs. As if one could stop a storm from coming. Torrential rains pouring down, causing mudslides and flash flooding. As if you could will the sun to stop setting or coming back up in the morning. As if I could stop the birds from singing. As if.
Not that I am completely comfortable with joy. But that makes it sweeter still, knowing all of this stuff is fleeting. Knowing the smelling, touching, tasting is all in the here and now and no matter how rich, or smart or guarded, the next moment is never promised. And one never knows when the apple will fall directly into you hand or to the ground to turn brown. So, I guess I’m attached to Joy.
I pay attention to signs. I’ve never felt I had a choice. Eventually I know when I have discounted the signs. Always I come to know that the thing I initially discarded as just a flashy, unnecessary distraction, turned out to be the sign I needed to follow to avoid getting lost. I wish I had paid more attention when I was younger. Especially to that 25 mpg speed limit sign in Horicon, WI.
Kim Hunt/Stroke Struck, Getting Unstuck 